heckler-poser

BRICOLAGE!

2005-12-07T19:16:00.000-08:00

The video clip of My Favorite's "Homeless Club Kids" featured as a background song on "The Bold and the Beautiful" is either a true masterpiece of postmodern bricolage or just a spot utter whatthefuck. Click here and witness the weirdest pairing of any two things maybe ever.
For all two of our Paris readers, My Favorite is a widely underappreciated New York (I believe Wrong Island) band of the angsty ilk.

Partial Decembre

2005-11-30T22:42:00.000-08:00

Tonight: Matisyahu @ Trabendo 75019 (Poser is going because Hasidim playing reggae music is like water for his soul when it gets thirsty)
2/12 The New Pornographers+Calla+Minotaur Shock @ Nouveau Casino
3/12 The Strokes (pretty sure about this one) @ Trabendo. For those of you who don't speak French, Le Trabendo's site drops the ticket-getting policy for the show thusly (or approximately): "THE STROKES will be giving a special concert on 12/3. Seats will only be sold at the Fnac Opera starting Friday at 10am."
5/12 Gogol Bordello @ La Boule Noire. Anyone unfamiliar with Gogol should check out his site. Highly recommend his live act.
6/12 Stars+We Are Scientists @ Nouveau Casino (starts at 19h. probably will be packed, Stars filled Cafe de la Danse, which is a much bigger venue, in Septembre)
6/12 Paris-London-Glasgow Nite @ Le Triptyque. 21h-4h, 5 Euros. Go to the Stars show then take the 3 to Metro Sentier or Bourse and check out Paul Thomson from Franz Ferdinand and the Tigersushi people DJ at Triptyque.

Fitna in Jordan?

2005-11-11T08:55:00.000-08:00

So, it turns out that we are fans of Gilles Kepel and think about his conception of fitna quite often. We wonder: does the reaction in Jordan over the recent hotel bombings suggest fitna (a breach in Islamic unity)? That is to say, do these heinous attacks actually harm the jihadists by driving popular support away from their militant douchebaggy agenda?
Our completely amateur analysis is that in a country like Jordan, which is characterized by relative peace and prosperity (not to mention a distinct and heart-warming affinity for the West), a terrorist attack would drive a big wedge between radical militants (Islamo-facists for all you Ann Coulterites) and the general population. Clearly, Jordan would be getting their fitna on. Yet, in a much more complex situation like Iraq, we've seen hundreds upon hundreds of attacks and there is a less clear fitna response. Perhaps my questions will all be answered when I go to Science-Po here in Paris and stalk Gilles. My quest to find Gilles will be kind of like the greatly under-appreciated doc Who is Bernard Tapie? Well, other than the fact that I don't have a crush on Gilles Kepel and he should be relatively easy to find. In fact, I think he just responded to my e-mail.
Back to real news: I got an e-mail from ClapYourHandsSayYeah and it seems that those of us in Paris will have to settle for their appearance at Transmusicales, which is a festival in Rennes. Or you could fly to Berlin and check them out there. Rennes in on 12/10 and Berlin is 12/8. Other highlights at Transmusicales include Gang of Four, The Fugees (no joke), The Shout Out Louds. I think that tickets start at like 600 Euros. On that pricing note, can anyone explain the pricing set up for this thing? If so please comment or e-mail. Re: the last post asking your opinions, thank you. I was assured that I was neither a fag nor an emo-fag nor a loser for buying tickets to Bloc Party. I believe there was only one dissenting view on that issue.

Luke, Where is the Indie?

2005-11-07T13:36:00.000-08:00

Sorry bitches, I only have info regarding Bloc Party. I just bought some tickets for the 14 novembre show at Le Zenith and my Fnac cashier told me there are still some tickets left. Go ahead and get them, I already bought mine.
In cooler news, CLAPYOURHANDSSAYYEAH might play in Paris. If not, they don't they play in Berlin and some festival in Rennes in December. Check out their site for details.

Should I Go To Bloc Party?

2005-11-02T13:44:00.000-08:00

I have to conceed that when I first heard "Banquet" I loved it, a lot. After hearing the single I bought and listened to the album (Silent Alarm) and loved it, a lot. Been to a few shows, last one being in July maybe. First show I saw was in D.C., fun show. Email or comment if you think going to a Bloc Party show now makes me A) an emo fag B) a fag or C) a loser or D) it is still ok.
I don't know what to do. Do you all suppose there are going to be hordes of douchey tweeny boppers? Emo fags? Keep in mind this is a show in Paris.

Paris Bouge/Boit/Listens to Music

2005-10-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

After a really really fucking good Jeffrey Lewis show at Point Ephemere last thursday, all these upcoming events seem, well, slightly less cool.
26 Octobre à Point Ephemere Sufjan Stevens (I think this one got soldout)
27 Octobre à Elysée Montmatre Dandy Warhols
31 Octobre à Le Triptyque Sebastien Tellier
31 Octobre à Point Ephemere Animal Collective
3 Novembre à Le Batofar "Youth Riot Act 3" (electro(clash) party)
Franz Ferdinand and Sonic Youth play too.

Stealing is Gay

2005-10-24T15:02:00.000-07:00

So whilst checking The Raveonettes site to see if we missed a great opportunity to see Sharin Foo in Denmark (yeah pretty much we did), HP was shocked by the following statement on the site: "We are completely devastated. Our gear was stolen on Friday Oct. 7 in Brooklyn, NYC. So much has been lost...Wagner's Jazzmaster from 1961 that he has lived and travelled with, played and written on for the past 12 years. Sharin's beloved Gretsch from 1965." Not to be insensitive or anything but...............BROOKLYN WHAT!? MARCY SON, AIN'T NUTTIN' NICE.

Masculine Feminine

2005-10-13T09:03:00.000-07:00

While I am trying to have my ear to the ground concerning (low) culture events here in Paris, I still receive a newsletter or two about cultural events in my beloved New York. Can't help but throw out, for our six readers, that Godard's Masculine Feminine is once again at Film Forum starting tomorrow. Click the link for showtimes and to see the greatest trailer of all time.

Schedule 11-16 Octobre: Oh PoMo Bricolage

2005-10-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

In keeping with Heckler-Poser's mission to be the 14 millionth post-modern blog, we present some music suggestions in Paris and don't pay much attention to genre boundaries. What do Spoon, St. Thomas and The White Stripes have in common? Really not much.

10/11 Spoon @ Nouveau Casino
10/11 Pest @ Point Ephemere
10/12 St. Thomas @ Point Ephemere
10/14 The Parisians @ Gibus
10/15 Hexstatic @ La Cigale
10/16 White Stripes @ Le Zenith

Spoon has been around for donkey's years and they are pretty money. Highly recommended and Nouveau Casino is a good venue.
Pest and Hexstatic are electrowhatever bands on the NinjaTune label. Their sites let you get a good listen, I am planning on checking out Pest at Point Ephemere.
The Parisians, oddly enough, have been playing all around Paris since I have been here. As official members of the Nous Non Plus fanclub, we at HP embrace rock music with a french accent. No, we don't just embrace it, we neck with it, kiss on its titties, and have sexy time with it.
The White Stripes are a little garage band from Detroit. They are so humble, so connected to their Detroit roots that they offer a show at Le Zenith that will only set you back 33 Euros. I only included this show on the list to ward off (from all six of our readers) possible questions about the absence of the White Stripes show. Luke Bricolage, you ask, if not the White Stripes, who continues the tradition of gritty blues-inspired rock that comes out of the American mid-west (Iggy Pop, MC5...)?
Soledad Brothers. And we also like The Ponys a lot. Further confirming my theory that Point Ephemere is God's gift to Luke Bricolage, Soledad Brothers lists on their site that they are playing a show in March in Paris at "Espace Ephemere."
Which leads us to the final commentary on St. Thomas, who listed a show at "Pointe FMR." A Norwegian group/man whose (purposefully?) mangled English lyrics once left your HP correspondant in a state of Zen-like confusion/enlightenment. A sample:

"Never seen a cowboy before, never told a story so sore.
Hey baby take a look at me, I think I'm ready for the kickdown.
I can never give you in, have you ever seen my chin.
An umbrella is dancing in the corner, now everything is beyond her.
Oh there are horses everywhere, little dogs barking at the chair.
Oh please get out of my hair, small elephants doing their distance."

How small elephants "do their distance" will be the question at the center of Bricolage's dissertation on metaphysics and the philosophy of biology. If he ever gets a B.A.
In any case, St. Thomas at Point Ephemere is well recommended if you are a music fan endowed with the ability to laugh at/with a band and appreciate their sublime beauty. We wrote about St. Thomas before, in April it seems.

Point Ephemere
Gibus
Nouveau Casino

Tickets can be pre-purchased at a Fnac near you. Some of the little cuties at the Fnac Spectacle desk also like music and might buy a ticket for themselves and accompany you to a show. If you are sufficiently bashful and self-depricating about your less-than-perfect French.

Update

2005-10-07T04:59:00.000-07:00

So Gridskipper linked to the post below which makes me think my community service project might reach the masses. Check out their post by selecting Paris from the drop down cities list (if you are not lazy) or clicking here if you are lazy.
Before I get to what my plans for a weekly listing and show review thing might be, here some glaring omissions to the original list.
From 3-6 novembre, La Cigale is home to Les Inrocks festival. I listed that Cat Power was playing on the 4th, but here is the line up for Les Inrocks:

11/3 Dionysos, Alexis HK, Joseph D'Anvers
11/4 Cat Power, The Rakes, The Blood Arm, The Organ
11/5 Stupeflip, The Go! Team, Sufjan Stevens, Martha Wainwright, Spleen
11/6 Kaiser Chiefs, Maximo Park, The Futureheads, Hard Fi, The Subways

At 23 Euros you might want to choose wisely. We would suggest that girls go to Cat Power/Organ and boys go to Kaiser Chiefs/Futureheads, but that is lame. Skip the 5th and see Sufjan Stevens at Point Ephemere for a third of the price. It would be too easy to caution you all away from the odorous faggocity of Alexis HK, but we listened to a clip on the site and it isn't trop mal. Lastly, while most people might know a bunch of bands on this list, they mightn't know The Organ. People who get the American cable channel Showtime have heard The Organ's music on "The L Word." That is, if you weren't too busy playing with your or your partner's private parts while watching Pam Grier dryhump the broad from "Flashdance." There isn't any music on their site, but download "Brother" on Kazaa, or Limewire or whatever your thieving ass uses, for the best damn lesbian rock/pop you have ever heard.

Other omissions: Sonic Youth plays 10/26 and 10/27. Tickets cost 40Euros, so skip that one unless you are one in gridskipper's decadent set. Also, Stereototal is playing two shows (not one), 11/25 and 11/26 at Point Ephemere. Also at PE (as we at HP refer to it) Caribou plays 10/28. Read the artist's bios on PE's site and go to pretty much anything strikes your fancy and you'll have fun. I am planning on going to check out Pest and Kid Koala for sure.

As an exercise in absolute self-loathing I might re-present these posts and/or the upcoming posts and reviews in my shit French. When I write emails to French speakers I don't use accents (a practice shared by some of the natives). But the blogosphere deserves accents and accents it will get. Any tips on how to go about accenting (buy a french keyboard, use keyboard shortcuts, does blogger have its own keyboard shortcuts?) Thanks in advance if anyone can help me out.

Oh My Cockness

2005-10-05T15:24:00.000-07:00

As a new (temporary) transplant I have been taking advantage of all the good shows Paris has to offer: relatively intimate and cool venues, the ripe smell of french hipster's armpits, and good sound systems (often). The downsides: euro prices and no OhMyRockness . New Yorkers know that OhMyRockness gives a comprehensive listing of all the good indie shows in the city and acts as a one-stop site for pretty much everything of note in the city indie music-wise.
France does have InfoConcert , but it is not so useful because it lists every single show in town, including the blind accordian player at the Republique metro stop.
So here is my community service project to Paris, an entirely incomplete, but possibly helpful listing of some highlights:

10/12 St. Thomas @ Point Ephemere
10/14 The Parisians @ Gibus
10/20 JEFFREY LEWIS @ Point Ephemere
10/26 Sufjan Stevens @ Point Ephemere
10/31 Animal Collective @ Nouveau Casino
11/4 Cat Power @ La Cigale
11/14 Sleater-Kinney @ Nouveau Casino
11/14 Bloc Party (indie?) @ Zenith
11/16 The Bravery (indie?) @ La Trabendo
11/18 Sons and Daughters @ La Boule Noire
11/18 Ralph Meyer and Jack Herren Band @ Nouveau Casino
11/24 The National @ La Trabendo
11/25 STEREOTOTAL (fake french music in paris?) @ Point Ephemere
11/29 The Decemberist @ La Boule Noire
12/5 Gogol Bordello @ La Boule Noire
12/16 Saul Williams @ Nouveau Casino
12/16 Broken Social Scene @ La Maroquinerie

Most Tuesdays at Le Triptyque offers bands from Alan McGee's Poptones label. Club crowd at Triptypque is pretty cool regardless of what night you go on (it is important to sample Paris' electro scene). Point Ephemere is, in my very newbie opinion, one of the coolest venues around; fun people, cheapish drinks, art exhibitions, food, on Canal St-Martin. Nouveau Casino's spot is definently blown up, but I saw a Clem Snide show there (opened by the unfortunately lugubrious Scottish music of Malcolm from Arab Strap) and while the crowd was rather subdued, the setting was intimate and personal.
Cafe de la Danse is another good venue. Didn't notice anything that struck me as interesting when I checked the site, but I saw a Stars show there that was well enjoyed.

More dates to come and possibly a weekly thing. I don't know, between my drive to learn the language, a strenuous regime of going out 5 nights a week, and playoff Yankee baseball at 2 o'clock in the morning, I am pretty strapped for time.
Some venue links:

Le Triptyque
Point Ephemere
La Maroquinerie
Everything at:
Fnac's Petites Salles site

Start Blogging Again?

2005-10-02T07:31:00.000-07:00

As good a time as any. In Paris, Yankees in the Playoffs...Speaking of baseball, apparently Boston fans aren't any better at fielding than the players.

Just in Case

2005-08-07T06:24:00.000-07:00

Anyone who reads this blog isn't aware that M.I.A. is playing a free Summerstage show today, here is some incentive to go:

Darwin Who?

2005-08-03T09:37:00.000-07:00

President Bush announced that he feels Intelligent Design theory should be taught alongside Darwinism, in yet another move that isn't an instance of Dubya pandering to the Christ-lovers, but an earnest expression of his deep love for God.
As I become more and more familiar with evolutionary theory I can suggest a few books that I find particularly interesting:
Daniel Dennett's "Darwin's Dangerous Idea"
Richard Dawkins' "Selfish Gene"
Stuart Kaufmann's "At Home in the Universe"
Robert Axelrod's "Evolution of Cooperation" (a super-maxi-choutte book)

It Official, Luke Bricolage Goes South

2005-08-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

Like a modern day Wiliam Tecumseh Sherman, Luke Bricolage will be taking the South by storm. The plan is to show up in Nashville, TN on Justice Sunday August 14th for JUSTICE SUNDAY. Upon Monsieur Bricolage's arrival, he will try to obtain a ticket to the live telecast and infiltrate the family values orgy. Peace be with all of you.

There was a Coup There, Seriously

2005-08-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

Mauritania has an army? Apparently, they do. They got their coup d'etat on today. H-P had only cursory knowledge of the Mauritanian situation, but it was clear that President Taya was a bit of a suckass punk. He had been in power for over 20 years and the next elections weren't due for another 4.

M.I.A.

2005-08-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

Let's not forgot that M.I.A. is free this Sunday in the Park. I know the music isn't that great, but she is a hottie-patotie. So, if any of you dirty mutts try to put your fucking paws on my girl I'll fucking kill you.

JUSTICE SUNDAY

2005-08-02T17:23:00.000-07:00

Bill Frist will probably make his first appearance on the Not Douche List. We at H-P applaud him for supporting stem cell research despite the pressure from the most crass and disgusting element of American society: very religious people (except the Hasidic Jews, because they make such great reggae music .) Tom DeLay makes his twentysomethingth appearance on the Douche List for taking Frist's place at JUSTICE SUNDAY II , an evangelical fuckfest in Tennessee.
In related news, there is a distinct possibility that H-P will be on the road touring the south just in time for JUSTICE SUNDAY 2 .

Jihad Euro-Trash

2005-08-02T06:26:00.000-07:00

Check out this FA article on "Europe's Angry Muslims" .
As Fareed Zakaria has pointed out, dissaffected Muslim youths today latch on to extremism much as dissaffected youths of the 60's and 70's latched on to Marxism. The similarity continues when you examine the others who latch on to extremism: the devout bourgeosie like Zacarias Moussaoui, educated and upwardly-mobile.

In Response to the Questions (all two of them)

2005-08-01T18:30:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is Bronson (Brandon) Arroyo.
No, he is not the third member of Suburban Kids with Biblical Names.

Stories to Look Out For on H-P

2005-08-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

1. Sorensen's return to the good ole USofA:

dclcornell (9:21:23 PM): guess what im eating now
dclcornell (9:21:49 PM): a pizza hut pizza with cheesy crust...they found a place to put more cheese
dclcornell (9:22:00 PM): man i love this place way more than denmark

2. John Bolton's upper lip: its hair and its stiffness

3. Yellow cake and Val Palme

4. Tri/bi-weekly listings of the cream of the crop of New York City cultural events (seriously, sort of)

and

5. A full review of Fox's "Hell's Kitchen"

Spareribs and Eggnog

2005-08-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

H-P is back in full force after an extended holiday to tell you about spareribs and eggnog and two swede's interpretation of the birth of Christ . Click on the underlined "video" for the song Achtung X-Mas!

H-P's 2nd Favorite Band

2005-06-02T22:57:00.000-07:00

Suburban Kids With Biblical Names actually tour outside of their native Sweden. These photos were taken at a recent show in the UK.

In Regards to Post Below, "Below"

2005-06-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

It seems we have asked the reader to see "below" for more information on the Schapelle Corby case. By "below" we meant a few posts below, not the x-ray picture of a woman making a man feel good with her mouth. The Schapelle Corby post can be found here if you are really too lazy to scroll down.

Corby Isn't Going to be as Sexy When She Leaves Indonesian Prison

2005-06-02T08:07:00.000-07:00

But she might get rich. The Australian woman (see below) who was incarcerated in Indonesia for smuggle pot into the country, seems to be writing a book. From the Melbourne Herald Sun: Dr Pangkahila said Corby was writing everything down in a diary, which could one day be a "blessing" for others, and that she had told Corby it was "not a coincidence that God put her here".
Due to the douchebaggery of the Indonesian legal system, Corby will have plenty of time to work on her theological treatise.
By the by, the afore-linked-to story in the Herald Sun, is straight up crazy. It seems some Australian TERRORIST sent a package of white powder to the Indonesian embassy in Canberra.

2005-05-31T14:14:00.000-07:00

Douche List Kremlin Edition

2005-05-31T06:10:00.000-07:00

Benevolent looking Russian oligarch Mikhail Khodorkovsky was sentenced to 9 years in prison for being a capitalist pig. Thusly, my main man Vladdy Putin (pronounced poot-EN, like "whore" in French) pushes the entire legal system of Indonesia out of the douche list top spot.
It must be noted that Khodorkovsky mightn't be the most savory of characters.
Sure the Khodorkovsky of today seems alright:
But the Yeltsin-era Khodorkovsky was straight creepy:

The French Think Globalization is Crap

2005-05-30T16:14:00.000-07:00

So they voted "No" to the EU constituation. Am I wrong? No, probably not. The "No" to the EU constitution movement has succeeded in united xenophobes/racists and socialist (the two are not mutually exclusive, by the by), so it will be tough to get a constitution together.

Join Poser in Reviewing "Shake Hands With the Devil"

2005-05-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

Cinephilia returns to H-P! Our excitement over "Shake Hands With the Devil" , which is now playing at the Film Forum, has caused Poser to lose precious hours of sleep. Poser, who has been rather busy and hasn't yet seen the film, wonders whether it is absolutely necessary for another film to be made about Romeon Dallaire. 2002 wasn't that long ago and that was the year that the fucking awesome "The Last Just Man" was released.
On a side note, Poser has begun reading Dallaire's book of the same title. If I am convinced that it is truly great it might get added on to the enormous Book List (three titles).
Another side note, Dallaire's theories about the decency of man and his belief that humanity will eventually work to rid the world of genocide is interesting, to say the least, in lieu of his experiences in Rwanda.
Final note, this film should have great appeal to those people who believe that America (and the rest of the world sort-of powers) have a duty to step into conflicts that do not directly effect their nations. Do we call you people just? neo-cons? liberals? humanists? fags? what? republicans? what? The folks here at H-P strongly believe in the use of force to intervene in disasters such as Rwanda or Sudan, and strongly believe that America must work to rid the world of crappy douche regimes through sensible and fair foreign policy, but only one of us believes that Operation Desert Fuck was cool.

There Are Only Three Things I Enjoy

2005-05-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

Judo

Raccoon Hats

and www.heckler-poser.blogspot.com

I Am So Glad Heckler-Poser is Back

2005-05-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

Kind of Like That Movie, Douche Update

2005-05-26T20:58:00.000-07:00

The legal system of Indonesia gets top spot on the Heckler-Poser Douche List for sentencing Schapelle Corby, an Australian woman, to 20 years for drug smuggling. The verdict sure beats the capital option, but seems unjustified. The Corby defense rested on the fact that it would be fucking stupid to smuggle expensive Australian pot into a country where pot flows like wine and the women flock like the salmon of Capistrano. Unfortunately for the defense, in Indonesia (seems a crap country after this news) one has to prove that one absolutely didn't traffic drugs, in order for one not to be found guilty.

Do You Remember the Georgian PM Death Controversy?

2005-05-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

H-P does. In early February (that was weeks ago motherfucker) Zurba Zhvania, Georgia's Prime Minister and a leader of the Rose Revolution, was found dead in a friend's apartment. The presumed cause of death was carbon monoxide poisoning, but as with a number of creepily bizarre Georgian and Central Asian deaths of politicians there are rumblings about foul-play.
Zhvania's brother, Goga Zhvania, believes that he is "sure" that the death was an assassination. Read more on the fucking awesome UNA-Georgia Online Magazine .

In Regards to Post Below

2005-05-25T05:50:00.000-07:00

The Look Book is a Wop-ing Good Time

2005-05-25T05:40:00.000-07:00

Bobby Vita, electrical contractor and broad-doer extraordinaire, gets up in the Look Book. Gawker posted a commentary in a relatively timely manner, but it was rather humor-free (Bobby supplies plenty of the funny).
Do you know the etymology of the word "wop" ?

Everyone is Upset About H-P Hiatus

2005-05-25T05:37:00.000-07:00

wild in the streets, Uzbekistan

2005-05-13T06:06:00.000-07:00

The wheels are coming off at least one totalitarian state ending in "-inistan" but unfortunately Turkmenbashi, father of all Turkmen, and Turkministan is not involved. Reuters is reporting that there are protests in the thousands in the Uzbek city of Andizhan and there are 9 confirmed killed by government troops. Its still too early to see what the ramifications of the protests will be but lets hope another bullshit ex-Soviet satellite will get their democracy on. Although your average Turkmen cannot watch the news or read anything without heavy censorship from Turkmenbashi, father of all Turkmen, perhaps the news of the rebellion to the north will somehow make its way to Ashgabat (swear I didn't have to look up the capital of Turkmenistan). One slight drawback to the manner in which the Uzbeks are going about this upheaval is that they're lighting lots of things on fire and shooting at soldiers but hey nobody's perfect. I love hypocritically condoning violence when the ends justify the means.

the most crushing news ever...

2005-05-12T00:48:00.000-07:00

Professional badass Dave Chappelle loses his mind and most likely his $50 million Comedy Central deal due to alleged mental illness and check-in to a crazy house in South Africa. Not quite sure why anyone would voluntarily choose anywhere in Africa as a place to get treated for anything but thats not the point. The downsides are that there will be no third season or no more Chappelle Show for that matter and now one of the few cool comedians will be out of the game indefinately. The possible upsides are that he could just be observing delightfully nutty mental patients as a source for new material and the number of anoying white 20 somethings attempting to yell the token Lil' Jon catchphrases "Okaaay!!","Whaaaat!" and "Yeeeeeeah!" will fall dramatically. Regardless of the outcome, H-P throws its full moral support behind Dave and we hope he gets better.

"I'm bipolar bitch".
H-P Editor's Note: we got fucking served.

In Regards to Post Below:

2005-05-09T17:07:00.000-07:00

Derek Walcott:

Gilbert Stafford:

The Big Gay Look Book

2005-05-09T16:52:00.000-07:00

Exams, les petits dissertations, and an eighth-of-my-day-consuming Yankees habit has kept me away from the blogosphere, but I recently checked every New Yorker's favorite Denton Omnimedia Enterprise blog, Gawker, and it seems that they are tardy with their always anticipated New York magazine "Look Book" commentary.
This week's Look Booker, Gilbert Stafford, is a nearly sympathetic (at least for a doorman at CroBar) figure. Maybe that is just relatively speaking: last week's Look Booker was actually a Holstein cow.
In any case, anyone who can get by looking like a gay Derek Walcott, is pretty cool in my look book.

Turkmenistan, Again

2005-05-05T10:57:00.000-07:00

Reporters Sans Frontieres drops some bombs up on Separmurad Nyazov (AKA: Turkmenbashi, Father of All Turkmen, The Bashi, The Golden Leaf of Water Tree Lord) and his dissent-deadening state, Turkmenistan. RSF's annual report on Turkmenistan states that "an independent media does not exist" and that the only non-state propaganda radio station that Turkmen have access to is "the very popular Russian Radio Mayak". Yippie!!!
On a lighter note, Turkmenbashi is a big fan of MTV, especially Cribs. And Punk'd. Big Kutcher fan. Really want to see that new movie he's got coming out with Amanda Peet.

Study Explains Why Andy Phillips Can't Hit Curveballs

2005-05-05T10:49:00.000-07:00

Psychology prof, Terri Lewis, believes that slow moving baseballs actually appear stationary to children, making them more difficult to hit than faster pitches. Thank you Terri, your study sheds some light on why Andy Phillips seems constitutionally incapable of hitting curveballs, changeups, sliders, or any other type of off-speed or breaking pitch.

In Regards to Below: Book List

2005-05-01T09:05:00.000-07:00

Heckler-Poser, for all its haughty bricolage, is not run by the most advanced students of the world. Poser is not as well-read as he would like to think he is. Therefore, there have only been three books explicitly written about on the H-P. They are all great. The Right Nation by the a couple of faggot-ass, Economist-editing Brits, John Micklethwait and Adrian Wooldridge. I didn't make those names up, seriously, John Micklethwait and Adrian Wooldrige.

"John, old boy, we must write a book about the conservative movement in the old U.S. of A. Yes, yes."
"Ha, ha. Yes, yes. Right you are Wooldridge. Golly, you were always the bright one. Now come here and give your Johhny a little kiss."
"Oh Johnny...."
"Oh Adrian...."
"Oh my, we must stop necking, it is time for the fox hunt."
"Yes, yes."

Irshad Manji's The Trouble with Islam Today
The World is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century by Thomas L. Friedman

Poser on Fareed Zakaria on Thomas L. Friedman and "The World is Flat"

2005-05-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

Fareed Zakaria reviewed Thomas L. Friedman's stupendous new book "The World is Flat" in this weeks New Times Book Review. A quick Heckler-Poser account of the review for those of you too lazy to read the book or the review:
Friedman's premise is that the world, economically speaking, is becoming a level playing field. Friedman finds truth in Bill Gates' statement that thirty years ago most people would choose to be born an average person in Poughkeepsie than a genius in Mumbai, but that now a genius in Mumbai has wicked crazy opportunities. The book describes how this flattening occurred (technological advances have contacted the US with say, Bangalore) and gives some pointers to the new generation of Americans who are not going to be able to suckle the tittie of hegemonic dominance for much longer. His pointers are simple: get more degrees in engineering and sciences and stop being so fucking lazy (there was also something about bringing down health care costs, or something, I haven't really finished the book).

Studies in Relativism Revisted: Armenia, Turkey Style

2005-05-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

A pair of letters that appear in the current issue of The Economist. One is from an Armenian and the other from a Turk, take a guess which one is which.

Sir--You presented Armenian accounts of the 1915 genocide but overlooked your own contemporary coverage of the slaughter. On October 9th1915, The Economist stated that "the Turkish government has been reviving the Armenian massacres" and cited 800,000 deaths within the previous five months. According to your report, "Lord Bryce fears that almost the whole of the Armenian nation in Turkey has been extermninated by a 'premeditated and systematic policy of massacre'." You deplored the crime as "an atrocity on a scale which even this war will hardly reproduce".
Raphael Lemkin, who coined the word "genocide", applied it to the Armenian experience and the consensus among Holocaust and genocide scholars confirms his view. Equivocation on this point serves only to legitimise Turkish government denial.

Sir--The key issue is Turkey's strong objection to comparisons with the Holocaust and the use of the word "genocide". In reality, the situation in 1915 can best be compared to the regional ethnic cleansing and massed deportations that occurred during the course of the first world war. Hundreds of thousands of Armenian citizens of the Ottoman Empire continued to lead their lives unaffected by the events going on in eastern Anatolia. Today, there remains a sizeable Armenian community in Turkey. To compare 1915 to the Holocaust is a fraud and an insult to Jews.

Happy Birthday Douche

2005-04-28T19:30:00.000-07:00

Saddam Hussein, an honorary Heckler-Poser douche, is celebrating his 68th birthday today. Happy Birthday douche.

www.sturzefans.org: It Exists

2005-04-28T16:47:00.000-07:00

If you don't know who Tanyon Sturze is, you are lame. Period.
SturzeFans.org: celebrating a fan favorite.

Studies in Relativism: Armenia

2005-04-28T08:48:00.000-07:00

How do you get news? Are you like the Poser and simply GoogleNews items of interest?
A quick study in relativism surrounding the Armenia.
Some headlines:
"Armenia Should Be Excluded From Council of Europe"
"Armenia Attractive for Tourism for Security and Stability"
"Armenia is Great"
"Armenians are Liars"

I Want "Right Now", "Right Now"

2005-04-28T08:36:00.000-07:00

Are you all (by all I mean all seven of you Heckler-Poser readers) anxiously awaiting the arrival of Benoit Jacquot's genius directorial skills and Islid Le Besco's Anna Karina School of Poutiness poutiness?
There is no question that this Poser cannot wait for "Right Now".
If anyone out there has more lame puns on the title, "Right Now" or "A Toute de Suite", please email them to lukeforelleisanamateurwordsmith@yahoo.com.

Brittany Gastineau or Prince Harry's Girlfriend: Who's Hotter

2005-04-26T15:06:00.000-07:00

There we go, that was the first ever Heckler-Poser Exploration in Post-Modernist Mixed-Bag Pseudo-Celebrity Yumminess.

You Can Finally Marry That Turkmen Honey, Free of Charge

2005-04-26T09:56:00.000-07:00

Turkmenistan continues to be an inexhaustible source of merriment for Heckler-Poser. It has just been announced that Turkmenbashi, the father of all Turkmen, has revoked the $50,000 fee that was compulsory payment for any foreigner who wished to marry a Turkmen women.
I suspect that this will lead to mass immigration of foreigners and unspeakable defiling of the daughters of Turkmenbashi.

Arab Responsibility in Darfur

2005-04-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

Guest blogger on Belgravia Dispatch, Joseph Britt, makes some interesting points about the silence in the Arab world over the Darfurian genocide.
Are we forced to keep our mouths shut over the terrible atrocities committed by Arabs simply because these comments seem insensitive? Britt's money quote:

Look, I know I have written about this before. I'm sure I will again. But it can't be pointed out too often that the genocide in Darfur is genocide being committed by Arabs, fully consistent with past actions of an Arab government stretching back a generation or more, throughout the whole of which time said government has not only been tolerated but warmly accepted in the family of Arab nations. No Arab government, least of all the one in Cairo, is lifting a finger to stop it; Arab media is silent about it, and about that silence Western media is itself silent.

"A Toute de Suite", Almost "Right Now"

2005-04-26T09:37:00.000-07:00

It is nearly time for Benoit Jacquot's "A Toute de Suite". If you live in New York, you can see the film on Friday. If you live somewhere else, you have to be kidding.

"Mi Scusi" Revisited

2005-04-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday it was reported that the soldiers involved in the checkpoint shooting that wounded Italian journalist Giuliana Sgrena and killed an Italian intel agent, will not be disciplined. Most reports seem to classify the shooting as an accident, but leftists in Europe do not seem to agree. Without question, the accident is bizarre: the circumstances seem more appropriate for the movies than for real life. The death of the intel officer, Mr Calipari, seems unnecessary and painfully ironic, given that he and Sgrena must have felt, after negotiating with the band of crazy-ass insurgents, as though the danger was behind them.
Giuliana gives a a different account of what happened and is pissed that no one is to be punished.

2005-04-22T05:24:00.000-07:00

Alla Vill Till Himmelen Men Ingen Vill Dö

About Post Below

2005-04-22T05:14:00.000-07:00

OK so Im a jackass who cant use a computer but thats not the point...the pic below is Swedish rapper Timbuktu. I saw his show last night in Copenhagen and, not unlike Bloc Party, it was "slammin". Although Swedish isn't exactly the best language medium for a huge fan-base this guy is pretty raw...at an intermission he switched between English (with absolutely no accent), Swedish, and Danish in a freestyle. If youve ever witnessed/partaken in drunken freestyling with suburbanite Eminem-esce wiggers youll know its hard enough in one language. Try and find his newest album somehow "Alla Vill Till Himmelen Men Ingen Vill Dö"(Everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die).

Payback's a Bitch, Bitch

2005-04-20T14:27:00.000-07:00

Vietnam vet, Michael Smith, spit a dip-loogey on Jane Fonda's grill today and I am going to guess that he will be receiving a free signed copy of Bill O'Reilly's "Who's Looking Out For You?" in the mail shortly.
Of course, Fonda didn't think it was such a big deal considering she used to get bukakeed by the entire Atlanta Braves lineup before each home game. It was a good luck thing.

Douche Update

2005-04-19T21:48:00.000-07:00

Haven't douche updated in a while:
ROBERT MUGABE
BOBERT MUBAGE
TURDBERT MULLIGAN
TURDGABE ROBAGE

Gay Catholics Make the Best Papi Reports

2005-04-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

Do check out Andrew Sullivan for great Ratzinger commentary.

In Regards to the Post Below

2005-04-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

If you are Armenian or are just really keen on bumming yourself out, you can attend one of the many genocide commemoration events this Sunday in New York and the L.A. area.

With EU Accession a Possibility, Armenia PR Campaign in Full Swing

2005-04-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

While the new Papi strikes out at the "dictatorship of relativism" in the Catholic faith, Armenians and Turks are getting their relativism-on rightly. Neither side will agree on the number of Armenians slaughtered during the genocide, but both sides are trying to convince the world of their truth.
The Turks think this. The Armenians think this.
What does all this mean for Turkey's EU bid? I have no idea, but Turkey should probably stop saying things like "nothing happened, we were all asleep between 1915-1922."

"You're 'Inwhited' Now to the St. Thomas World"

2005-04-17T09:17:00.000-07:00

What do you get when you mix 60's-style flower power folk music, an adundance of face glitter, and a Norwegian accent a-la Jan Egeland? St. Thomas.
A great band (one fellow really, the self-agrandizing Thomas Hansen), these Norwegians have a similar vibe to my favorite Scandinavian duo, Suburban Kids with Biblical Names.
Here are some rather ridiculous tid-bits from the biography of the one St. Thomas:
Most members of the band are multi-instrumentalists, Elvind even plays somethine (their misspelling) he once found in a kitchen that he has no idea what is.

The band should have included Bosse on banjo, organ and accordian, but he is suffering from problems with his ears, and does not get permission from his doctor to go on tour.

Scroll down on the racingjunior.com page for St. Thomas mp3's. The first two tracks, "Invitation" (pronounced "Inwhitation") and "Cornerman", are ethereal and hauntingly beautiful songs. From a philosopher's or a linguist's standpoint St. Thomas is immensely interesting. The combinations of words in Thomas' lyrics are neither nonsensical nor wholly sensical, making for a bizarre and, at times, haltingly amusing listening experience.

Central Asia Betting Pool

2005-04-14T09:07:00.000-07:00

Tired of douchey betting pool's like the NCAA Final Four? How about joining in the Heckler-Poser "Next Central Asian Revolution" pseudo-pool. Bet on which country you think will be next and the winners get paid out of the pool, maybe (you can email me for details, maybe):
Kazakhstan: 1-1
Tajikistan: 1.5-1
Uzbekistan: 3-1
Turkmenistan: 66-1

Ah, This Looks Kinda Neat

2005-04-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

For all you who are stuck up in Ithaca: this weekend might be a nice weekend to visit the city. Do you like Beck? Do you like Hiro? I bet you do.
Well, it seems that Beck is playing a little show at Hiro on Friday.

You're Not Prejudice, Are You?

2005-04-13T11:44:00.000-07:00

Harvard sociologists have created the coolest implicit associations test ever. You can do it online here.
For the record: M. Bricolage (despite his new-found Francophilia) does not hate people who are darker than him. Harvard proved it.

In Regards to the Post Below...

2005-04-12T19:54:00.000-07:00

Braj Kachru's books are pretty money in terms of non-native English speakers actively using English to communicate within their own community or as a common language.
Money quote from "The Alchemy of English":
For governments, English serves at least two purposes. First, it continues to provide a linguistic tool for the administrative cohesiveness of a country (as in South Asia and parts of Africa). Second, at another level, it provides a language of wider communication (national and international).
He also introduces the idea of the "neutrality" of English: that English words are used to replace culturally or socially charged words. In Kashmiri the native word for (I can't reproduce it here) widow invokes a traditional connotations associated with widowhood. Its use is restricted to abuses and curses, not occurring in polished conversation...the English word widow is preferred by the Hindus.
Please disregard this post if you are not a loser and don't read linguistics for fun (I don't I was forced).

Xenoglossophobia, Fat Americans

2005-04-12T18:43:00.000-07:00

This interesting little editorial in the Houston Chronicle informed me that "the US Senate declared this the 'Year of the Foreign Language Study'". Our good friend H.C., an American of Hispanic heritage who doesn't speak Spanish well, was taken by the Senate's rallying cry and decided to learn Danish (the most useful language ever). I have decided to parlay my ability to mumble like a Frenchman into an actual understanding of the language of French, or as it is referred to in this country; Fag Chatter.*
What about the rest of the country, are they rushing to learn a second language? The Chronicle believes that xenoglossophobia (the fear of learning foreign languages) is the problem.
More likely it is due to the perception that languages are a non-essential skill for Americans, given that people in other countries learn English in order to conduct business with Americans. Fortunately for the xenoglossophobes or whatever, this is partly true. Non-English speakers are probably going to learn English in the future in order to communicate with each other (note how Indians who speak different dialects might converse/conduct business en Anglais).

*This statement is not meant to sound preachy or pompous in any way. Everyone who knows me is aware that there is little chance of me actually learning the language completely. I will revert back to my Franglais and my indicating skills soon enough.

For the Shakespeare Groupies

2005-04-12T07:01:00.000-07:00

Dig it. Kenneth Branagh's "Hamlet" is, unquestionably, the best film version of any Shakespeare play ever. No other film even comes close to its great superbness. Kenny boy does a stunning job as the prince and Derek Jacobi plays the grimmy-ass uncle to perfection.
Fans have been waiting nearly a decade for "Hamlet" to be release on DVD and this email proves that the rumors are true. H.A.M.L.E.T...Hamlet, bitches.

"I fucked your Moms, son."

Dennis Mandalone: Slamming

2005-04-12T06:53:00.000-07:00

So much for Kele from Bloc Party, there is no question that Dennis Mandalone is the new "it" boy of rockconroll. Good looks, great style, and a deep love for a country that he sounds foreign to. You can check out his video for "America, We Stand as One" chez Wonkette.

Soccer

2005-04-11T05:24:00.000-07:00

While M. Bricolage was recovering from the awesomeness of Bloc Party on sunday I was over here in Denmark at my first pro-soccer game. Having gone to a Varsity Blues-esce high school where football games literally draw thousands of people I had to say soccer wasn't exactly a main-stream sport. My small minded Pavlovian association between soccer players and girly long haired South Americans crying over being kicked in the shin, strangely homo-erotic post goal celebrations and so forth was crushed when I attended the Brøndby-F.C. København game (I refuse to call it a match) yesterday. I have been to playoff NBA, NFL, NHL, and bowl games but I have never seen so many people going as crazy as these Danish bastards. Highlights included large bonfires in the stands, half of a stadium singing a multi-versed song in complete unison, and lots of "FUCK DIG", "FOR FUCKING HELVEDE, MAND", "DU FUCKING BØSSE" and other phrases that were quite understandable due to linguistic adjective adoption.
After yelling until I was red in the face at soccer players I didn't know or give two shits about I came back today and did some research. Although nothing bad at all happened at the game I went to, apparently theres a huge problem with racism and anti-semitism at soccer games throughout Europe. I wont go into much details but ridiculous displays include a Lazio (Mussolini's old fav) player giving a heil hitler to cheering fans, Dutch squad Ajax cheerfully calling themselves the Jews, and constant harassment of black players. Search google and be amazed.

Bloc Party is Really Good Live

2005-04-10T20:31:00.000-07:00

So, despite some complaints (like they should just play all their music, considering they have about 16 songs all in all), the band is actually really, really good live. Songs like "This Modern Love" that are tainted with slight faggocity on the album are harder and more than tolerable live. "Price of Gas", with its rather sophomoric lyrics, sounded incredible, with guitar work that can only be described as "shredding."
One of the videos for Banquet is ici.

GREATEST WEBSITE EVA!

2005-04-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

Please do check out MixedFolks.com. This tremendous site is basically a who's who of celebrities and well-known people of mixed race. What an idea!
Some people of mixed race who the editors of MixedFolks.com think are swell: Slash, civil rights lawyer Lani Guinier, Jimmy Smits, Cher, Norah Jones, Keanu Reeves, Ben Kingsley, Jennifer Tilly, Sean Lennon, Johnny Damon, and the undeniably ravishing Soledad O'Brien.
Keep on checking out Heckler-Poser for more insightful commentary on our world and the political and social issues that are of the upmost importance to young people today.

Apologies, Again

2005-04-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

This past week's minimal Heckler-Poser blog activity does not represent the enormous global goings-on of the moment. As I mentioned before, too much of a good thing (Yankees baseball, for instance) can lead to poor health, bad sleeping habits, and inattention to grammar and spelling.
In keeping with Heckler-Poser's strict adherence to post-modern principles of juxtapostion and bricolage, topics to be picked up starting on Monday will include: the Kirgistan what-have-you, Zimbabwe's elections, French people hating on Google, a review of Bloc Party's US tour, commentary on cheeses, a special article on why Hideki Matsui will be the A.L. MVP, and a confession of love for Camilla Parker-Bowles (who I find utterly delectable, and not just because she is a slut).

She's the one with the skirt and the nice legs.

Bloc Party: "Slamming"

2005-04-08T05:57:00.000-07:00

Has Bloc Party, the most hyped band EVA, been living up to expectations? It seems sorta so. WhatsUpNYC loved last night's show, calling it "slamming." I believe there was some talk about the show in Philly getting cancelled or something. All I know is M. Bricolage himself will lay down the final word on Saturday after the show.

Turkmenistan Travel

2005-04-07T16:21:00.001-07:00

If you are a Heckler-Poser reader you might have figured out that I get all my news from Nick Denton's Media Empire or the Economist.
Gawker, Wonkette, and Denton OminMedia Inc.'s other tremendous blogs are beyond reproach. However, I have to take the Economist to task for some biased reporting in this week's issue.
In an otherwise fascinating article about the prospects for revolution in central Asia, following the Kirgizstan what-have-you. The article goes on to berate our great father of all Turkmen, Turkmenbashi, and states that "upheaval in Turkmenistan seems unlikely before the death of Saparmurat Niyazov, the despotic president-for-life."
"Despotic"? Was Caesar "despotic"? John Stamos?
It seems to me that the Economist is just jealous. In an effort to level the playing field and stand up against this Turkmenbashi-bashing, I would like to tell you a little bit about travel in Turkmenistan, the greatest stan of them all. Sleeping is not forbidden, there is much water, eating is often a daily event, and the weather is entirely tolerable.
Spring is the best time to travel to Turkmenistan, especially during one of Turkmenistan's many festivals. You just missed yesterday's "Drop of Water is a Grain of Gold Holiday", but you might still be able to get your visa approved before April 27th's "Horse Day."
Some other holidays include: "Good Neighborliness Day," "International Women's Day" (seriously, look it up on the website), "Day of Neutrality," and "Turkmen Melon Holiday." Turkmen's tell me Day of Neutrality is absolutely tremendous: everyone wears gray and does very, very little.

Knowledge of the World and Strategies Consel

2005-04-05T18:10:00.000-07:00

For the minimal fee of $20,000 (real American dollars), GlobeScan , a firm which specializes in global polling and scaning, will give you the world and all the knowledge contained within it.
The findings from one GlobeScan study pointed to an interesting phenomenon: people around the world (or at least in the 23 countries that GlobalScan gets it's scan on in) think the US and Russia should take a back seat in more global concerns. Brookings writes that those surveyed are "looking more to Europe and even China to play a more prominent role" in international concerns.
For those of you concerned with the country sampling, rest assured that GlobeScan is wicked fair and balanced. We're not talking about a survey of Iranians, North Koreans, Cubans, French...The survey countries include: Brazil, Mexico, Great Britian, Canada, India, Nigeria, Spain, Australia. One glaring omission that I am sure our Prez will be quick to point out: there's no Poland, I don't see any Poland.
This truly fascinating BBC Poll that the folks at GlobeScan helped put together, shows the global view of Bush and his re-election. A quick look at the study reveals a few things of interest.
The fact that 6% of Turkish people think the re-election of Bush will contribute positively to world peace is not exactly astounishing, that only 4% of Mexicans think it will is pretty interesting though. Filipinos oppose the war in Iraq 58% to 36%. This is despite the fact that 88% of people surveyed in the Phillippines view the US' influence in the world as mainly positive. Australia is the only country with a higher rate of support for the war, with a whopping 37%.
All in all, GlobeScan is fun reading. If anyone wants to pitch in a few grand to the Heckler-Poser GlobeScan Fund, that would be well appreciated.

Brief Hiatus Due to Temporary Yankees Insanity Continues

2005-04-05T12:56:00.000-07:00

Like any self-respecting New Yorker, I have been spending the last few days in deep meditation, trying to push some cosmic good-energy towards my team. Additionally, rabid Hideki Matsui cheering at last night's opener has left me with what feels like a fatal case of pneumonia. If anyone saw a white fellow in the right-field bleachers stripping down to his Matsui shirt in the freezing rain, that might have been me. To the family sitting next to me: your children were going to learn those words anyway, Johnny Damon is a "fucking cock-riding faggot".

Flipping Uncle Kimono

2005-04-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

Don't ask why I have/was watching Fashion TV but this is the most bizarre and hilarious mini-documentary you will ever see...John Malcovich, Judo sparring, Milan high-fashion.

So Faux

2005-03-30T11:12:00.000-08:00

The coming weeks and months are going to be one continual orgasmic reverie for faux-french loving New Yorkers. Les Sans Culottes have a show at Studio7 (whatever that is). A new Pain Quotiedienne-like (ok, so that's la Belgique) boulangerie will open every other day for the next three months. Oh and, Stereo Total seems to want to play at Bowery Ballroom on May 11th.

Jumping the Gun on Earthquake

2005-03-29T17:09:00.000-08:00

It seems that disaster was exactly "avoided" in southeast Asia, where the recent earthquake took the lives of 330 people.

Disaster Avoided, Jan Egeland

2005-03-28T11:46:00.000-08:00

It seems that disaster has been averted in South East Asia. You can tune in to CNN International for the next 11 days for UN Emergency Relief Coordinator Jan Egeland's continuation of the world's longest press conference he gave in December 26, 2004-January 9, 2005. Jan's robotic voice makes Arnold Schwarzenegger sound like a horny Spaniard.
"Dare ...are...no... signs...of....any ...Tsssnami.... like....vaves..... in....da..... region....at....dis .....moment."

Schiavo, Conservative Voice, Everyone is Looking Bad

2005-03-24T17:30:00.000-08:00

Weighing in on the Schiavo saga is a crappy idea for politico's of any variety, these past few days have certainly proved that. Following their marching orders memo like automatons, Republicans in the House and Senate made a big miscalculation by overstepping their bounds. Very few liberal Democrats have found an angle to attack their foes on, other than the "states rights" issue, which was never a concern of their party up until Republicans started doing the same things they advocated in past (spending, over-stepping...)
Fortunately, a cogent and rational voice, the Conservative voice, has peaked its way out of the feculence of political hackery. Here are some gems of clear-thinking:
Time is running out for Terri Schiavo. The GOP controlled Florida Legislature and Congress have both failed her. Legal options are nearly gone. Maybe President Bush should declare Terri Schiavo an 'enemy combatant' under authority of the PATRIOT Act, which would allow him to take her into custody and hold her for years, without court redress

or this:
Or maybe the GOP should turn its attention to the more than 25,000 babies that have been disemboweled since the state started to starve Terri Schiavo to death last Friday.

All kidding aside, this little bit is cent-percent exact:
The good people of this nation who care about life need to understand the half-hearted 'Pro-Life' gestures by the GOP for what they are: snow jobs to keep the Pro-Life constituency in line. When it comes to stopping the killing, the GOP can't get the real job done because the GOP is not Pro-Life.

On Tulips and Questions Kyrgyzi

2005-03-24T08:21:00.000-08:00

The mounting "Tulip Revolution" has prompted The Guardian to answer some basic questions about the little-known country of Kyrgzstan. A helpful primer on the country. Eurasianet is also a good resource.

Turducken

2005-03-24T06:36:00.000-08:00

M. Bricolage mentioned Turkey and all the EU hooplah in relation to the Economist article. This is one of the most difficult topics to research because it is literally impossible to find a balanced source on the issue. The funny thing about Turkish accession is that several EU skeptics (lots of the British folks) are whole heartedly backing Turkey membership because they think it will diffuse power even further from Brussels. Anyhow, the proposed route to membership will undoubtedly include more clauses and safeguards than a Trump marriage and the truth of the matter is that they wont become full blown members for another 30-50 years. If they entered today, they would be the largest member state thus having a strangle-hold on the European parliament which stands to gain a tangible amount of power if the upcoming EU constitution is ratified (which is a whole other can of worms). Circles ranging from labor to human rights to the terrorist security ilk are lobbying to strictly limit mobility of citizens for obvious reasons and I agree fully.
The core ideological questions surrounding Turkey concerns the geography idea of Europe and the cultural thing. The EU can show the world that its not a "Christian Club" if they let Turkey in but the historical cooperation between the middle east and Europe is not exactly swell (walk a little off any tourist main street in a major European city and you can cut the racial tension with a knife). Lastly, if a country with an area the size of Rhode Island is "in" Europe then where does the expansion stop..Russia, Morocco, Canada? This is the bare bones and awfully simplistic version of the EU-Turkey discussion and if you want the EU Commission loaded, mission statement side try Europa.eu.int, for the EU skeptic version try nearly any British(Economist) or Danish (politicking) source, and for the expansion-for-the-sake-of-maintaining-world-power take try one of the original EU state´s (Italy, France, Germany, Benelux) side...try them all and decide for yourself.

Waverly Films, Sandstorm Cowboys

2005-03-23T19:14:00.000-08:00

Click on "our work" at WaverlyFilms for some money-ass shorts and music videos. Darude's "Sandstorm Cowboy" is rather tremendous.

EU and Turkey

2005-03-23T18:34:00.000-08:00

The current issue of the Economist (subscription required) has a large survey on Turkey's bid for the EU, which they support, and gives some good reasons not to hate on them Turks. A further examination of the issue will follow when time permits.
Sorensen could shed some Euro light on this issue as well: there certainly are a number of concerns that Turkey needs to address in order for the EU community to be comfortable with them.
For instance, the Economist article points out that "after the tsunami disaster in Asia on December 26th last year, the American embassy in Ankara felt obliged to issue an official denial of colourful Turkish newspaper reports that the wave had been caused by American underwater nuclear explosions designed to kill large numbers of Muslims." The denial is available here and is pretty amusing.

Before Pinko ANWR Discussions Begin...

2005-03-20T09:36:00.000-08:00

...a little more triviality. The Barretta juror who is using his weak media spotlight to promote his fucking band can be reached at this phone number: (818) 365-8867. His band is called "Mission in the Hills" and he is looking for gigs. Now you can call him up and make fun of him.

McLaughlin Still Not Douche

2005-03-20T08:41:00.000-08:00

On the Social Security debate, everyone's favorite professional interupter makes an insightful comment: (paraphrased) "The President is arguing for the end of a welfare society and the emergence of an ownership society. This ownership society emminates not from crisis but from ideology. So you are WRONG Patty-Patty Puke-Puke!!!"
I have gotten my Whitman-many-multitudes on with this Social Security privatization idea and back it cent-percent, but I recognize that it is not a fix to the finances of social security, it just a pretty good idea.
Mc-L also uttered the words "titilating inuendo" in reference to the T.O./"Desperate Housewives" commercial.
By the by, this is probably a good time to mention that HP is going to dedicate most of its resources towards discussing the ANWAR issue.

Turn All Your Dance Floors Into a Burning Inferno of Baba

2005-03-18T18:47:00.000-08:00

That's what the Swedish duo Suburban Kids With Biblical Names want to do. Click their name for three mp3's. "Rent a Wreck" is pretty money.

Yale's Study of STD Rates Among Virginity Pledgers a Shocker

2005-03-18T14:37:00.000-08:00

The findings of Hannah Bruckner (umlaut over the "u"), a sociologist at Yale, and Columbia's Peter Bearman (accentless) on the rate of sexinasties among virginity pledgers is astounding. The "virgins" had the same rate of STD's and engaged in way more anal (four times more) and way more oral (six times more) than regular heathens.
Bruckner's (I wish I knew how to do umlauts) words were not exactly "way more". She was referring to the liklehood of each subject engaging in anal or oral. Without reading a more in-depth review of the study I can only make conjectures as to how often the "virgins" engage in botty-love, skittle dittling, and knob slurping. But I am going to assume that because they are denied floral exploration, they are more active in these alternative forms of boogie-oogery.
This all leads me to question my own inaction in failing to jump on the "virgin" pledge bandwagon, although at my high school in Manhattan there was not much of a virgin pledge community. Statistically it seems like a good deal. I would certainly have considered giving up vaginal intercourse if it meant that I would have anal sex four times more often than I do (although ought oughts are ought) and oral sex six times more often (although I am rather ambivalent towards skittle dittlery).
Going on hearsay, I also believe that virgin pledgers are highly involved in other more alternative sexual practices such as: S&M, prostate milking, nipple play, watersports, rimjobbing, and praying.
Enough with the Chrisitian bashing. Perhaps there will be no BibleZine of the Day tomorrow.

It Has Only Taken Bush and Co. Two Years to Fuck Up Iraq!

2005-03-18T12:09:00.000-08:00

Kudos you smug bitches. No time to write (rant) on this a day for celebrating poor decision-making. Here's a link to the thinking-man's "Fahrenheit 9/11". An anti-war movie that isn't for simple minding douches.

BibleZine Bitches, Christian Motherfuckers

2005-03-17T20:26:00.000-08:00

The Heckler-Poser Biblezine of the Day

From my friends at Thomas Nelson, Inc.-Publisher of BibleZines:
Girls have been emailing Transit asking for an Old Testament Revolve...and now it's here! Revolve: Psalms, Proverbs & The Wisdom Literature includes the complete text of Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Solomon. Included in these high-glossy pages are the famous "Blab Q & A"s, "Guys Speak Out"s, "Beauty Secrets", and much more! In this special worship-themed issue, girls learn new ways to put their faith into action and adoration through applicable tips to make faith part of your daily living.

Is Ariel Pink a Fucking Musical Genius?

2005-03-17T20:14:00.000-08:00

He is. You can see for yourself at PawTracks where there are three new short videos and a promise to bring us more Ariel vids in the future. If you are in NYC you can save Tonic by attending an Ariel Pink show. That show is slated for 4/15. If your around D.C., Ariel is playing with Animal Collective ("Who Could Win a Rabbit?") at the Black Cat on 4/25. You can scroll down for the Animal Collective vid on the PawTracks.

Jose Canseco Has Great Hair, Steroid Testimony

2005-03-17T13:16:00.000-08:00

Sort of Live Blogging this horrifically boring Senate Testimony.

4:15PM: Here at HP we believe that Jose Canseco should embrace his heritage (thank god he's not wearing his blue contact lens today) and realize that he's a Cuban.

4:20: Sammy Sosa should learn how to speak the English. Quote: "I dunno, I no have too much to say."

4:25: Jose promotes his book, again.

4:26: Curt Schilling is insightful, funny, eloquent, and a dirty piece of shit. Fuck you Schilling. Let's-Go-Yankees. Let's-Go-Yankees.

4:30: Senator from Maryland says: "I believe that is what Mr. Sosa might have said."

4:31: Mark McGwire did that shit. He's starting to tear up.

4:41: In response to the question "Would you or would you not support federal action if Major League Baseball does not adequately address the issue of steroids?", Sammy Sosa says "Pretty much."

I quit. Let's Go Yankees.

BibleZine of the Day

2005-03-16T17:50:00.000-08:00

For all you Christian motherfuckers.
It's the Heckler-Poser first ever BibleZine of the Day

Economist on Ebbers

2005-03-16T17:12:00.000-08:00

Tthe Economist has a nice little article on the Ebbers/WorldCom shenaniganery.

Watch Out For Muslims (Parentheses Edition)

2005-03-15T10:39:00.000-08:00

I haven't read "Infiltration", the new book by Paul Sperry, but here is what his publisher is saying: "An alarming expose of how Muslims (devils) are secretly infilitrating American (Christian) society, government, and culture as we sit idly by and pretend, to a dangerous degree, that Islam (devil worship) is actually compatible with traditional American (Christian) values." (Parentheses added for dramatic purpose.)
Sperry "courageously" (publishers words) explains how Muslims are spying on you and your loved ones. They are also raping your dogs, cats, and small children, all in the name of Allah.
The publishers statements (sans parentheses) might describe a gutsy, truthful expose. Unfortunately this book seems to be fairly marinaded in Christian rhetoric and good old bigotry.
Who is Paul Sperry: he writes for the highly reputable www.worldnetdaily.com ("A Free Press For A Free People"), which is nearly as reputable as www.heckler-poser.blogspot.com ("A Fucked Press For A Drunk Readership of Readers")
By the by, the name of Sperry's publisher? Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson sells no less than 2,000 different types of bibles, as well as a number of "BibleZines". Thomas Nelson's site describes the "Refuel BibleZine" as "a totally cool new way for teen guys to read the Bible. Formatted like a sports or entertainment magazine, this New Testament Bible comes to life with relevant application."
In fact, "Infiltration" seems to be Thomas Nelson's only non-religious book.
You can call Thomas Nelson Publishing in Nashville and make fun of them for being losers, tee-totalers, and bible-geeks. There phone number is (615) 889-9000.

Hariripoluza Rocks On

2005-03-15T06:47:00.000-08:00

Let Us Not Forget How Well Heroin and Lo-Fi Recording Techniques Complement Each Other

2005-03-14T18:22:00.000-08:00

Do click on Ariel Pink's "For Kate I Wait" @ PawTracks

Before Turkey's EU Dreams: Acknowledge Past, Pledge Change in Future

2005-03-14T17:58:00.000-08:00

The Armenian General Benevolent Union calls for Turkey to address the Armenian genocide before EU consideration. Nicolas Tavitian writes: "This is not about Turkey recognizing the Armenian genocide: it is about the country ending its denial, and the low-level, state orchestrated hate campaign that goes with it." The narrative that depicts Armenians as somehow responsible for their fate "has been anchored in the minds of Turks by 90 years of official historiography and nationalistic campaigning," Tavitian continues.
And with that, let us take quick stock of the issues that Heckler-Poser finds important to young Americans: Turkey's EU hopes, corruption in former Soviet republics, the march of freedom, the effect that open channels of communication have on the democratization of nations...and pirates.